Sam Kabo Ashwell

Part 5 - Sweet Sixteen

[TODO: several rooms

cooking the steak

Your score is 0 out of a possible 145.[br]You have taken 19 minutes.[p]END OF GAME]

Sweet Sixteen is a game in startroom.

The precis of Sweet Sixteen is "[set link 504][bold type]Sweet Sixteen[roman type][end link] by Anonymous (1986)".

The description of Sweet Sixteen is "[b]Sweet Sixteen[/b][line break]by Anonymous[br]

Pornographic[line break]

1986 [note 10][line break]Development System: Adventure Master[p][b]Tags:[/b] sexual content (130) strong profanity (78)[p][co]You're not averse to porn games in principle, though AIF is generally disappointing in numerous ways. But you have a vague word-of-mouth recollection that this one is particularly bad news. After [/i]Deadly Climax[i] it's not really as if anything is likely to shock you, but it might make for a less icky trip to avoid it. And if not, to at least keep your safety line in mind.[/co][p][set link 524][b]Open it up.[/b][end link][br][set link 514][b]Write it off.[/b][end link]".

Instead of opening Sweet Sixteen:

wait for any key;

clear the screen;

say "[b]MADAM FIFI'S WHORE-HOUSE[/b] Adventure[paragraph break]Do you need the instructions?";

wait for any key;

say "[co]Hold up, hold up, that's a different game entirely. Oh, okay, whoever uploaded this helpfully packaged a bunch of C64 porn games together in such a way that for some reason the emulator loads Madam Fifi automatically? Ugh. Thankfully, with the power of the web you never have to look far for a ROM of an old C64 game.[/co]";

wait for any key;

clear the screen;

say "The school year at Kenwood Academy[note 22] has just started, and one of the most awesomely beautiful girls in Hyde Park has transferred here from Lab School this year. Being the school stud, your buddies have bet you $500 that you won't be able to score with her. You decide to take them up on the bet and follow her home[note 11].[p][b]Sweet Sixteen: An ML KID adventure.[br]Version number 2.3 Released 05/26/1986[br]Written with AdventureWriter[note 154], a product[br]of the CodeWriter Corporation. [note 12][/b][p]";

wardrobe-change the blue suede suit;

move the player to frontporch;

Instead of examining the player when the current game is Sweet Sixteen: say "[co]You're undescribed, but hazily resemble a generic 80s douchebag kid - part Matthew Broderick, part Emilio Estevez.[/co]";

To reset Sweet Sixteen:

move the player to frontporch;

now garagecall is false;

now Nova-follow is false;

The saferoom of Sweet Sixteen is frontporch.

A thing can be notable or noteless. A thing is usually noteless.

Instead of examining something when the current game is Sweet Sixteen:

if the noun is safe or the noun is the player, continue the action;

if the noun is notable or the noun is an unimplement begin;

continue the action;

otherwise;

say "You see nothing special.";

end if;

The creep factor is a number that varies. The creep factor is 0.

Every turn when the current game is Sweet Sixteen (this is the creepiness ceiling rule):

if the creep factor > 9 begin;

say "[co]Okay, you're pretty skeeved out by this point. Looking ahead in the walkthrough, it seems as though this thing goes on for a while, and also that the victory conditions involve chains. Unclear if it's rapey, but... probably better to skip ahead quickly... yes, okay, that's pretty vile. It's really quite depressing that you're entirely unshocked by that. NEXT.[p]Jeez. It's not as though people don't have a perfect right to their creepy-ass fantasies, appropriately flagged and sandboxed, but this is some skeevy amateur-night shit. Blurgh.[/co]";

carry out the concluding activity with Sweet Sixteen;

end if;

To say creep: now the creep factor is the creep factor + 1;

a blue suede suit is a masc notable outfit.

The description of blue suede suit is "[if the current game is Sweet Sixteen]You see nothing special[note 13][otherwise]It's the sort of suit that a sweaty-palmed kid from the 80s would think appropriate for a sophisticated ladies['] man. It makes you feel kind of crawly[end if]."

The hisp of blue suede suit is "traje de gamuza azul". Understand "traje" or "gamuza" or "azul" or "traje de gamuza azul" as blue suede suit.

After printing the name of a wearable thing (called foo) when player wears foo and the current game is Dracula:

say " (siendo llevado)";

rule succeeds;

frontporch is a room.

The description of frontporch is "You are standing on the front porch of the house. There is an oak door leading into the house here.[p]OK dickweed, what do you wanna do now?"

Rule for printing the name of frontporch: do nothing.

ringing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "ring" or "knock" or "ring bell" as ringing.

Instead of ringing in frontporch:

say "From inside the house you hear the sound of footsteps approaching and then the door opens. Standing in the doorway is what has to be the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Through her skimpy halter top you can see her nipples just waiting to be tended to. She is also wearing a full-length skirt which flaps in the wind giving you a tantalizing view of her shapely legs.[p]She looks you over, pausing briefly to look at the bulge that has formed in your pants, and then introduces herself as [b]Nova Tilland[/b]. You figure that she probably wouldn't let you in if you told her that you were here on a bet[first time][creep][only][note 23], so you make up this story about how your car (which you brought with you) has died out in front of her house and that you were wondering if you could use her phone to call a garage. At first she doesn't say anything, looking over your shoulder to see if she can see a dead car. After a minute or two she makes up her mind and lets you in and shows you to the phone.[p]More...";

wait for any key;

move the player to Entrance Hallway;

Instead of ringing in frontporch when the player carries chain:

say "From inside the house you hear the sound of footsteps approaching and then the door opens. Standing in the doorway is what has to be the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. Through her skimpy halter top you can see her nipples just waiting to be tended to. She is also wearing a full-length skirt which flaps in the wind giving you a tantalizing view of her shapely legs.[p]Catching sight of the chain, she pales and slams the door. Well, looks as though this is a bust. You turn to leave.[p]The door re-opens behind you. Nova is standing in the doorway with a shotgun raised to one shoulder, in a worryingly practiced three-quarter stance. You don't even have time to raise a hand before you catch a slug to the chest; as you stagger, she pumps a second round into the chamber and fires again, and again...";

deathify 6;

wait for any key;

carry out the escaping activity with the current game;

Instead of ringing in frontporch when the horse is ridden:

say "From inside the house you hear the sound of footsteps approaching and then the door opens. Standing in the doorway is what has to be the most beautiful girl[br]you have ever seen. Through her skimpy halter top you can see her nipples just waiting to be tended to. She is also wearing a full-length skirt which flaps in the wind giving you a tantalizing view of her shapely legs.[p]'I'm on a horse,' you observe suavely. [The horse] snorts for emphasis.[p]'So I see,' she says. Dammit, aren't chicks meant to sploosh where horses are concerned?[p]'So, uh, my horse has broken down, and I need to use your phone to call... maybe a farrier I guess?' you hazard.[p]'It looks fine to me.'[p]'No, seriously, he could drop dead any second. Just let me in your house.'[p]'All right, you and your mule have got ten seconds to get off the property before I go all Castle Doctrine.'[p]Well, that settles that. At least you've got a ride home.";

wait for any key;

carry out the escaping activity with the current game;

Instead of ringing in frontporch when the player wears pajamas:

Instead of ringing in frontporch when the player wears nurse dress:

now garagecall is true;

wait for any key;

move the player to Entrance Hallway;

Instead of ringing in frontporch when the player wears mages cloak:

Instead of ringing: say "[co]That is evidently no help here.[/co]"

the Tilland's front door is scenery in frontporch. Instead of doing something to Tilland's front door: say "You can't." Instead of examining the Tilland's front door: say "You see nothing special."

Entrance Hallway is a room. The description of Entrance Hallway is "This is the main hallway of the first floor. Nearby, on a small table you can see a telephone.[p]To the north is a staircase. There are also exits going east, west, and northwest.";

telephone is an unimplement in Entrance Hallway. Understand "phone" as telephone.

fake Nova is a scenery notable woman in Entrance Hallway. Understand "girl" or "Tilland" or "her" as fake Nova. Instead of doing something to fake Nova: say "She isn't here, dipstick[note 163]."

Instead of kissing fake Nova: say "She isn't here, dipstick[note 163]."

Every turn while the player is in Entrance Hallway and garagecall is false: say "Nova looks up from what she is doing and smiles at you provocatively[one of][or][or][note 14][or][stopping]."

Every turn when the current game is Sweet Sixteen:

if the player is not in Entrance Hallway and the player is not in frontporch and garagecall is false begin;

say "Nova follows you into the room and looks at you with a frown on her face. She then proceeds to tell you that you were to call the garage, not walk all around the house. She then yells for her father, a huge man over six and a half feet tall, who comes in carrying a 22-guage shotgun [note 21]. When he sees you he puts the barrel of the gun to your head and tells you to leave. This you promptly do, less[note 203] you get your head blown off. Looks like old Spike[note 15] ain't gonna do no fishing in Nova's pond[note 110] today.[p][b]You Lose!![/b][p]If I were you I would start trying to figure out how to pay off a $500 bet, of which you haven't a single cent.[p]";

deathify 1;

wait for any key;

reset Sweet Sixteen;

end if;

Fucking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "fuck [something]" as fucking.

Nova-real is a notable woman. Understand "girl" or "Tilland" or "her" or "woman" as Nova. Nova-real is notable.

The description of Nova is "Nova has what you would call a real bitching bod!! Her cheek bones are just right and she knows how to wear her hair and put on make-up[note 89]. She has the most beautiful baby-blue eyes and her hair is a really nice brown. She is wearing a halter top with is practically see-through, so you have a super view of her full, firm tits with their nipples sticking out hard[first time][creep][only]. She also has on high heals[note 145] and a plaid skirt which helps make her look even better (not to mention it makes it easier to get at her golden pond[note 110]). On a scale of one to ten, she rates about a fifteen[note 88]."

Instead of fucking Nova-real:

say "Nova just isn't ready to be fucked yet. She turns around and kicks your balls clear through to China. You let out a scream in pain which her father hears. He comes running in carrying a 22-guage shotgun[note 21], and when Nova tells him you tried to fuck her he blasts you balls off at point blank. Good job, bumblefuck. You sure know how to get a castration. Looks like old Spike ain't gonna do no fishing in anyone's pond[note 110] ever again.[p][b]You Lose!![/b]If I were you I would start trying to figure out how to pay off a $500 bet, of which you haven't a single cent[note 111].";

deathify 2;

wait for any key;

reset Sweet Sixteen;

Nippletending is an action applying to nothing. Understand "tend nipples" or "tend to nipples" or "tend nipple" or "tend to nipple" as nippletending.

Instead of nippletending in the presence of Nova-real: nippletweak.

Instead of nippletending in the presence of fake Nova: nippletweak.

Carry out nippletending: say "[m38]";

To nippletweak:

say "You can't[note 202].";

Nova-real is in Nova's Bedroom.

Instead of kissing Nova-real: say "She blushes."

The printed name of Nova-real is "Nova".

Following is an action applying to one thing. Understand "follow [something]" as following.

Instead of following something: say "[co][The noun] isn't going anywhere.[/co]".

Instead of following a person: say "[co]That'd be kind of creepy, don't you think?[/co]".

Instead of following Nova: say "You can't."

Nova-follow is a truth-state that varies. Nova-follow is false.

A persuasion rule for asking Nova to try following the player: rule succeeds.

Instead of Nova following the player:

say "You tell Nova to follow you, which she promptly agrees to[note 172].";

now Nova-follow is true;

Every turn (this is the wandering star rule):

if the current game is Sweet Sixteen and garagecall is true begin;

if Nova-follow is true begin;

move Nova-real to the location of player;

otherwise;

let X be the location of Nova-real;

let destin be a random room which is adjacent to X;

move Nova-real to destin;

end if;

if the location of the player is the location of Nova-real, say "Nova comes in, sees you, and smiles at you provocatively[lady 1].";

end if;

Instead of giving medicine to Nova-real:

say "[co]'Hey, I'll bet you need this medicine,' you leer at Nova, 'since I heard your beaver was [i]sick[/i].' This is perhaps the grossest pick-up line in the history of sexual selection, and Nova treats it as such.[/co]";

Calling about is an action applying to one topic. Understand "call [text]" as calling about.

garagecall is a truth-state that varies. garagecall is false.

Instead of calling about some text in Entrance Hallway:

if the topic understood matches the text "garage" begin;

say "You call the number of the house where your buddies are staying, making it look like you are calling a garage. [if player carries beaver][co]'Guess what, buddies-o-mine,' you swagger. 'You'd better get ready to pay up, cuz I've already got myself some [i]sick beaver[/i].' You hold up the rodent in question. A rimshot is not forthcoming.[p]Nova raises an unimpressed eyebrow and says... whatever people said in 1986 when they meant 'what the fuck'. Let's go with 'swounds.' But she still lets you stick around and invites you to look around her house, for reasons opaque to anybody expecting NPCs to behave like humans[/co][otherwise]They have arranged to get a tow truck, but it will be a little over four hours before they get here. Before hanging up, they tell you that unless you have proof of the encounter, you will automatically lose the bet[note 16]. You then hand up and tell Nova how long it will take. She shrugs her shoulders and says you can look around the house in the meantime[note 218]. Before you can say anything else, she disappears down the hall[end if].";

now garagecall is true;

end if;

Stairs is north of Entrance Hallway. The description of Stairs is "You are on the first floor level of the spiral staircase that allows all up and down movement within the house.[p]To the south is the entrance hallway. Stairs lead both up and down from here."

Stairs2 is down from Stairs. "You are on the bottom level of the spiral staircase that allows all up and down movement within the house.[p][if secret panel is in Stairs2][otherwise]You can hear a squeak come from the stairs as you move up and down them.[p][end if]To the south is the basement. Stairs also lead up from here." The printed name of Stairs2 is "Stairs".

stairs-item are scenery in Stairs2. The printed name of stairs-item is "stairs".

Instead of examining stairs-item when secret panel is not in Stairs2:

say "You look under the stairs and see that someone has put a secret panel in the west wall.";

secret panel is a container. secret panel is scenery, closed and locked. Understand "hidden" as secret panel.

Every turn when the player is in Stairs2 and secret panel is in Stairs2:

if secret panel is closed, say "You can also see a hidden panel in the west wall here.";

if secret panel is open, say "You can see a panel lying here which somebody has removed from in front of a hidden passage in the west wall.";

strange key unlocks secret panel.

Instead of opening secret panel:

say "You move the panel off to the side to reveal a hidden room.";

Secret Room is a dark room. "You are in a secret room that has been put in by Nova's brother. He has put up so many centerfolds from Hustler and Penthouse that you can't even see what the walls look like[note 156]. There is also a mattress which has been covered with come stains and which also has springs that no longer have any spring to them because he has humped so many girls on it[first time][creep][creep][creep][only].[p]The only exit is to the east."

a funny-looking fixture is fixed in place in Secret Room. Rule for writing a paragraph about funny-looking fixture: say "You can also see:[br]A funny-looking fixture on the wall"

Attic is south of Stairs4. Attic is a dark room. The description of Attic is "This is the attic of the house. Lying on the floor amongst the various odds and ends is a brand new mattress that is already covered in come stains.[p]The only exit is to the north."

a attic-cabinet is a container. attic-cabinet is fixed in place in Attic. attic-cabinet is openable and closed.

Rule for printing the name of attic-cabinet:

if attic-cabinet is closed begin;

if padlock is part of attic-cabinet begin;

say "a closed cabinet with a[if padlock is locked] locked[otherwise]n open[end if] silver padlock on it";

otherwise;

say "a closed cabinet";

end if;

otherwise;

say "An open cabinet";

end if;

silver padlock is part of attic-cabinet. padlock can be lockable. padlock is lockable. padlock can be locked or unlocked. padlock is locked.

Instead of unlocking attic-cabinet with something: say "It's the padlock that needs to be unlocked, not the cabinet."

Instead of taking padlock:

if padlock is unlocked begin;

if the current game is Sweet Sixteen begin;

now player carries silver padlock;

try looking;

otherwise;

continue the action;

end if;

otherwise;

say "You can't.";

end if;

Rule for printing the name of attic-cabinet while looking:

say "[if open]An open[otherwise]A closed[end if] cabinet[if silver padlock is part of attic-cabinet and silver padlock is locked] with a locked silver padlock on it[end if][if silver padlock is part of attic-cabinet and silver padlock is unlocked]with an open silver padlock on it[end if]";

Instead of opening attic-cabinet when padlock is part of attic-cabinet:

say "You can't.";

After opening attic-cabinet:

say "When you open the cabinet a chain falls out[one of][creep][or][note 210][stopping].";

now five-foot chain is in Attic;

a five-foot chain is a notable thing.

Rule for printing the name of five-foot chain:

if the current game is Sweet Sixteen begin;

say "a five foot long chain with a pair of handcuffs on one end and a socket at the other";

otherwise if the current game is Dracula;

say "cadena muy inquietante";

otherwise;

say "the creepy-ass chain";

end if;

Instead of examining chain:

if the current game is Sweet Sixteen begin;

say "[co]Custom bondage equipment is so expensive that you'd almost class it as treasure, but custom bondage equipment designed by grody little wannabes from the eighties is unlikely to be worth the metal it's made of.[/co]";

otherwise if the current game is Dracula;

say "¡Dios mío! ¡Ningún hombre verdadero usaría ese equipo bondage incompetente hecho!";

otherwise;

say "Custom bondage equipment is so expensive that you'd almost class it as treasure, but custom bondage equipment designed by grody little wannabes from the eighties is unlikely to be worth the metal it's made of.";

end if;

Basement is south of Stairs2. "There is a clothes washer and dryer here. Lying on top of the washer is a basket of dirty clothes waiting to be washed. Another basket of clean clothes sits on the floor.[p]The only exit is to the north."

the dirty clothes is in Basement. dirty clothes is scenery. Understand "laundry" or "basket" as dirty clothes.

the clean clothes is in Basement. clean clothes is scenery. Understand "basket" as clean clothes.

Instead of examining dirty clothes for the first time:

say "Searching through the dirty clothes you find several soiled silk panties with the name Heather embroidered on the outside, right where her pussy would be[first time][creep][creep][only]. Wishful thinking causes you to have an erection, but it doesn't last long. You also find a small key in the breast pocket of a pink satin blouse.";

now cute little pink key is in the Basement;

cute little pink key is a tiny thing.

The hisp of pink key is "llavecita rosado lindo". Understand "llavecita" or "rosado" or "lindo" as cute little pink key.

The description of cute little pink key is "A small metal key that has been coated, for obscure reasons, in pink lacquer."

Stairs3 is up from Stairs. "You are on the second floor level of the spiral staircase that allows all up and down movement within the house.[p]The second floor hallway is to the south. Stairs lead up and down from here." The printed name of Stairs3 is "Stairs".

Second Floor Hallway is south of Stairs3. "This is the main hallway of the second floor[note 112]. The only thing you notice here is the music coming from the room to the south.[p]To the north is the staircase. Exits also lead east, west, northeast, and south."

Nova's Brother's Room is east of Second Floor Hallway. "This is the bedroom of Nova's brother[note 138]. It is pretty much featureless with the exception of a circular bed which has been placed in the exact center of the room. On the bed is a newspaper put out by the religious cult which her brother belongs to. The cover story is about the various things that will be happening at some special event that[br]is going on today. Looks to me like you don't have to worry about bumping into Nova's brother today.[p]Exits lead west to a second floor hallway and south into a closet."

Nova's Brother's Closet is south of Nova's Brother's Room. "This is where Nova's brother keeps all his clothes and other possessions. On the east wall is a cabinet which has been left open.[p]The only exit is to the north."

the newspaper is an unimplement in Nova's Brother's Room.

the brother's cabinet is scenery in Nova's Brother's Closet.

Instead of examining brother's cabinet: try searching brother's cabinet.

Instead of searching brother's cabinet:

say "You go through his clothes, noting some of the women's clothes he has[first time][creep][only]. While searching through the pockets of a trench coat reminiscent of the thirties you find a silver key[note 139].";

now silver key is in Nova's Brother's Closet.

a silver key is a notable tiny thing. The hisp of silver key is "llave de plata". silver key unlocks silver padlock. Understand "llave" or "plata" or "llave de plata" as silver key.

The description of silver key is "[co]A small and slightly sticky key. Yuck.[/co]"

Nova's Father's Room is west of Second Floor Hallway. "This is the bedroom of Nova's father[note 113]. Besides the bed the only other thing in here are several issues of 'Sniper, The Magazine for Gunmen'.[p]To the east is the second floor hallway and to the north is a closet."

Sniper Magazine is notable burnable scenery in Nova's Father's Room. The description of Sniper Magazine is "You pick up the magazine and start to read it. While flipping through it an article on Khadafy's favorite weapon catches your eye. It seems that he doesn't really have one in particular, he just likes any one that will make a guy's head explode when you shoot [']em. This doesn't surprise you much. After looking through a few other articles you drop the magazine on the floor."

Instead of taking Sniper Magazine: say "You can't."

Nova's Father's Closet is north of Nova's Father's Room. "The only thing in here is a bunch of business suits hanging from a bar suspended under a shelf.[p]The only way out is to the south."

business suits are scenery in Nova's Father's Closet.

shelf is notable scenery in Nova's Father's Closet.

Instead of examining shelf:

say "You find an unused roll of 36 exposure color negative film.";

now 35mm is in Nova's Father's Closet;

the 35mm colour negative film is a burnable notable thing. The description of 35mm negative film is "[co]It's a standard roll of film from back in the pre-chimping era.[/co]"

Nova's Bedroom is south of Second Floor Hallway. "The first thing you notice in here are the wall to wall U2 posters. On a table in the corner is a compact disc player which is currently playing the U2 album October. You can also see all the other U2 albums[note 20] lying on the table too, as well as A Flock Of Seagulls' first album[note 114].[p]In the opposite corner is a desk with many different pictures of Nova, most of which have another girl in them too. You find one which is just of the other girl which has been signed, 'To Nova, Love Heather[note 115]'[p]There is also a king-size waterbed with very feminine pink sheets here and an open closet to the west. To the north is the second floor hallway[first time][creep][only]."

The printed name of Nova's Bedroom is "Nova's Room".

Novacloset is west of Nova's Bedroom. "It seems that Nova likes pink, for everything in here is coloured[note 211] pink. Even the clothes dresser in here is pink. Lying on the dresser are some more CDs, including some by the Dream Academy, the Hooters, and Simon and Garfunkel[note 116].[p]The only exit is to east." The printed name of Novacloset is "Nova's Closet".

a dresser is scenery in Novacloset. "There is a drawer in the dresser."

Nova's drawer is a closed openable container. It is part of dresser.

After opening Nova's drawer for the first time: now the creep factor is the creep factor + 1.

some of Nova's clothes are in Nova's drawer. Instead of taking some of Nova's clothes: say "You can't."

a vibrator is a notable masc thing in Nova's drawer.

Rule for printing the name of vibrator while taking inventory:

say "[if the current game is Dracula]vibrador muy utilizado[otherwise]much used vibrator[end if]";

The description of vibrator is "[co]It'd seem that vibrators were substantially less sophisticated back in the mid-80s. And second-hand sex toys are a tough sell. There are worlds in which this theoretically might be unique and valuable, but those don't generally have access to batteries. So, yeah, no way you can count this as a treasure.[/co]"

The hisp of vibrator is "vibrador". Understand "vibrador" as vibrator.

a diary is a masc notable burnable thing in Nova's drawer. diary can be lockable. diary is lockable. diary can be unlocked or locked. diary is locked. cute little pink key unlocks diary.

The description of diary is "[co]A predictably pink book with a built-in locking clasp. Hidden or locked diaries are a staple of AIF, generally revealing insights into the teenage female psyche of a depth and erotic perspicacity unrivalled since the decline of the French lesbian spanking novel.[/co]"

The hisp of diary is "diario de Nova". Understand "diario" or "diario de Nova" as diary.

Does the player mean unlocking the diary with the cute little pink key: it is very likely.

Instead of reading locked diary: say "You need to unlock it first."

16-bathroom is northeast of Second Floor Hallway. "This is your regular bathroom, complete with toilet, sink, bathtub with shower, and mirror.[bathe 3][p]The only way out is to the southwest." The printed name of 16-bathroom is "Bathroom". 16-bathroom is watery.

a bar of soap is in 16-bathroom. bar of soap is notable.

The hisp of soap is "barra de jabón". Understand "barra" or "jabon" or "barra de jabon" as bar of soap.

The description of bar of soap is "[co]A quite ordinary bar of soap, white and vaguely scented.[/co]"

Instead of reading diary:

if the current game is Sweet Sixteen begin;

say "It turns out that this is Nova's diary chronicling the events of her past[note 118].[p]From reading it you find out that five years ago, when Nova was eleven, she was raped by some man, causing her severe mental anguish and gave her an infection (which is gone now) that attacked her ovaries and made her sterile.[p]Ever since she was raped, Nova had been terrified of men and has shut them out, looking to female companionship...";

wait for any key;

say "[p][co]...it goes on, but you've read more than enough here. So she was raped gay, and now, SPOILER ALERT, you are going to have to rape her straight again.[/co]";

wait for any key;

now the creep factor is the creep factor + 9;

otherwise;

say "Honestly, you really don't want to find out what's in there.";

end if;

Living Room is east of Entrance Hallway. The description of Living Room is "This is the family living room. Sitting on a table in the corner is a radio which is currently playing an Ozzy Osbourne song [note 17]. There is also a sofa here where you can sit down to rest [note 18] for a little while. On another table in another corner is a television set which is currently out of service and needs to be repaired.[p]To the west is the entrance hallway."

a cigarette lighter is a masc thing in Living Room.

The hisp of lighter is "encendedor de cigarrillos". Understand "encendedor" or "encendedor de cigarillos" as lighter.

The description of cigarette lighter is "A crappy disposable lighter, translucent purple. It looks nearly full, though."

Instead of burning cigarette lighter when the current game is ARGH's:

say "[co]You flick the lighter on and off a few times, in the hope of being acknowledged as some kind of god for your control over the red demon. Unfortunately, fire is some Middle Paleolithic shit, which is to say it's been old-school since [/i]erectus[i].[/co]";

Instead of burning cigarette lighter:

say "[co][We] flip[-s] the lighter on and off[if a dark room encloses the player]. The light is not sufficient to see anything by[end if].[co]";

Instead of burning cigarette lighter when the current game is Sweet Sixteen: say "You can't."

a full pack of cigarettes is a masc thing in Living Room.

The hisp of cigarettes is "paquete de cigarrillos". Understand "paquete" or "cigarrillos" or "paquete de cigarillos" as cigarettes.

The description of cigarettes is "A scrumpled packet of Lucky Strikes, half-empty."

Understand "smoke [something]" as burning.

Instead of burning cigarettes:

if the current game is Sweet Sixteen begin;

say "You take out a cigarette and are about to light it when you see the following sign on the side of the box:[p][b]Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, and may complicate Pregnancy.[p]You decide that your health means more to you than a cigarette so you put it back in the box[note 117].";

otherwise;

say "Stressful as this job gets, you need good cardio capacity to get up those rock-faces, so you're limiting your intake. And you wouldn't really want to smoke these, anyway. You promise yourself a celebratory cigarrillo once you get back to the surface.";

end if;

Instead of burning something: say "[co]If you're going to aspirate heated particulate matter, you're sure as hell going to make sure it's something that will actually provide a decent buzz.[/co]";

the strange key is a tiny thing.

The hisp of strange key is "extraña llave". Understand "llave" or "extrana" as strange key.

The description of strange key is "You've seen so many keys in your career that it's rare you see one that can make you feel weird. This one, though, has an uncanny Reek of Wrongness about it."

the couch is scenery in Living Room. radio is scenery in Living Room. TV is scenery in Living Room. Understand "sofa" as couch.

Instead of entering couch:

say "You sit down on what appears to be a nice soft sofa, but something seems sort of odd. You decide to investigate[note 19] and find that somebody has put a strange key underneath one of the cushions.";

move strange key to the Living Room;

Study is west of Entrance Hallway. The description of Study is "This is the study room for the family. One wall has been completely covered up by a fine oak bookcase which has every kind of book from a dictionary to a thirty-two volume encyclopedia on it[note 191], although most of them seem to be law books. There is also a table with a chair next to it here. On the table are several notepads and folders belonging to Nova's father. You look through them and find out that her father is one of the best lawyers in the state of Illinois, but most people stay away from him because he is particularly violent and always has some kind of gun with him. There is also a computer on the table.[p]The only exit from here is one that goes to the east."

a computer is a device in Study. It is switched off. It is fixed in place.

Instead of examining computer: say "You see nothing special."

After printing the name of computer while looking:

if computer is switched off, say " (currently off)";

Does the player mean switching on the computer: it is likely.

computer disk is a masc thing.

The hisp of computer disk is "disco para computadora". Understand "disco" or "computadora" or "disco para computadora" or "disc" as computer disk.

The description of computer disk is "A 5 1/4['] disk. Its label is a crude Sharpie illustration of an ejaculating penis."

Instead of selling the computer disk in the presence of a salesman:

let N be a random salesman in the location;

say "[co]Attempting a wink and nudge, you offer the [N] the disk from Sweet Sixteen; he asks you to stick around while he estimates its value. He has a little trouble getting it to run, but once he succeeds an odd look comes over his face, and ten minutes later you're surrounded by a lynch-mob. Apparently the villagers take a dim view of rapist advocacy.[/co]";

deathify 5;

remove the computer disk from play;

now the computer disk is unsafe;

wait for any key;

carry out the escaping activity with the current game;

After printing the name of computer disk while taking inventory:

if the current game is Dracula, say " (perverso)";

bookcase is scenery in the Study. Understand "bookshelf" or "books" as bookcase.

Instead of searching bookcase: try examining bookcase.

Instead of examining bookcase for the first time:

say "As you go through the bookcase, you find a book titled '1001 Ways to Screw a Girl's Brains Out.' You take it out to read it and find that somebody has put a disk inside the front cover.";

move the computer disk to the Study;

Instead of switching on the computer: say "You must have a disk in order to boot up the computer.[note 28]";

Instead of switching on the computer when the player carries the computer disk:

say "When you turn on the computer the disk drive starts to spin for a little while. After a few moments a database pops up, which you easily figure out how to use. You then search through it and find that it is the 'diary' of Nova's older brother. Upon further access of the database regarding Nova, you find that despite the way she acts like a wanton slut, showing off her body to every guy in sight, she is really afraid of being fucked by a guy (even though she enjoys nothing more than making intimate love to another woman, especially when it is with Heather, her best lover) and must be raped if she is to be had by a man.[p][co]There follows a rambly, ill-constructed and profoundly clueless paragraph about bondage logistics, but you get the general idea.[/co]";

wait for any key;

say "[p][co]...yyyyeah, so AIF, listen, there is this thing you may have heard of called [i]not hating women[/i]. Know it sounds kind of outré, but still. Until then, it's definitely time to leave.[/co]";

wait for any key;

now the creep factor is the creep factor + 10;

Kitchen is northwest of Entrance Hallway. "This is your average kitchen, complete with cabinets, sink, and refrigerator. To the southeast is the entrance hallway. There is an open door to the north that leads into the back yard." Kitchen is watery.

an electric stove is a device in Kitchen. It is fixed in place. electric stove is switched off.

a kitchen cabinet is a container in kitchen. It is fixed in place. kitchen cabinet is openable and closed.

a refrigerator is an openable container in kitchen. It is fixed in place. Understand "fridge" as refrigerator. refrigerator is closed.

After switching on electric stove: say "OK."

a large pan is in kitchen cabinet.

The hisp of large pan is "sartén grande". Understand "sarten" or "grande" as large pan.

The description of large pan is "A standard American cast-iron skillet, about twelve inches across and lethally heavy."

a gardening spade is in kitchen cabinet.

The hisp of gardening spade is "pala de jardinería". Understand "pala" or "jardineria" or "pala de jardineria" as gardening spade.

The description of gardening spade is "An unremarkable square-bladed spade with a wooden handle."

Digging is an action applying to nothing. Understand "dig" as digging.

Carry out digging: say "You dig for a few minutes, but find nothing of interest.";

digcount is a number that varies. digcount is 0.

Instead of digging in Winding Trail:

now digcount is digcount + 1;

if digcount is 2 begin;

say "You dig some more, and the spade hits on something hard. Encouraged, you dig deeper to uncover a metal container. You open the container and a very old and brittle map falls out.";

now brittle map is in Winding Trail;

otherwise;

say "You dig for a few minutes, but find nothing of interest.";

end if;

a brittle map is a notable burnable thing. The description of brittle map is "You examine the map, being careful not to damage it. It seems that it is a map of the first floor of the house way back when it was first build. Although alot of it has changed since then, you can make out what looks like a room to the northeast of the entrance hallway." The printed name of brittle map is "very old and brittle map". Understand "very old" or "old" or "very old and" as brittle map.

The hisp of brittle map is "mapa frágiles". Understand "mapa" or "fragiles" as brittle map.

Instead of going northeast in entrance hallway:

if the player carries brittle map begin;

say "Using the map, you figure out where the door to the room should be. You then feel around for some way to open it. As you pass your hand over a small nail in the wall, the door springs open.";

wait for any key;

move the player to Old Hideaway;

otherwise;

say "You can't.";

end if;

Old Hideaway is a room. The description of Old Hideaway is "You are in a room covered with cobwebs and a layer of dust over an inch deep. It is quite clear theat nobody has been in here for years.[p]The room has several chairs and tables spread throughout it, all covered with white sheets to keep the dust off. You remove the sheet from one of the tables to reveal a 1927 newspaper[note 212]. You decide that things would best be left alone and put the sheet back over the table and newspaper.[p]The only exit is to the southwest."

cobwebs are an unimplement in Old Hideaway. Understand "cobwebs" or "chair" or "chairs" or "tables" or "table" or "sheet" or "sheets" or "newspaper" as cobwebs.

an SLR camera is in Old Hideaway. The printed name of SLR camera is "old 35mm SLR camera". SLR camera is valuable.

The description of SLR camera is "It's just your basic SLR without any film in it[note 146]." The hisp of SLR camera is "SLR vieja". Understand "vieja" as SLR. SLR is notable.

The epilogue of SLR camera is "the eBay proceeds from which cover your month's child support in three different metaverses"

Instead of dropping brittle map in Old Hideaway:

say "I wouldn't drop the map in here because you wouldn't be able to find the door again after you left[note 141].";

a steak is in refrigerator. steak is masc. steak is dog-et.

The hisp of steak is "filete". Understand "filete" as steak.

The description of steak is "Approximately a pound of raw Brazilian ribeye. [We]'ll have to give [our] inventory a thorough scrubbing-out later."

Cooking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "cook [something]" as cooking.

Instead of cooking something: say "[co][Our] limited culinary skills seem unlikely to improve [the noun].[/co]"

Instead of cooking an animal: say "[co][We] [are*] fine with the cooking, but not so much the slaughtering.[/co]"

The culinary preparation is a thing that varies.

Instead of cooking something when the current game is Sweet Sixteen:

if Daddy Tilland is not in Back Yard begin;

say "[co]You have no interest in more cooking.[/co]";

stop the action;

end if;

if the player carries pan and electric stove is switched on and the player is in Kitchen begin;

if the noun is comestible begin;

say "Nova's father must have heard [the noun] cooking because you can see him coming this way from out the window.";

now noun is in Kitchen;

now pan is in Kitchen;

now the culinary preparation is the noun;

the hunger descends in 2 turns from now;

otherwise;

say "You can't[note 214].";

end if;

otherwise;

say "You can't[note 140].";

end if;

[There are two potential kitchens in the game: the kitchen in Sweet Sixteen, the kitchen in Down and Out. The latter will only work if the oven is stoked.

The following items may be cooked: the tasty food, the steak, the turkey drumstick, and the crimson fish.]

A thing can be comestible. tasty food is comestible. steak is comestible. drumstick is comestible. crimson fish is comestible.

Instead of cooking a comestible thing: say "[co]You don't have access to any suitable culinary equipment.[/co]"

Instead of cooking steak when the location is bsh-kitchen:

if brick oven is fiery begin;

say "I manage to rustle up a skillet, some salt and pepper, and something that I hope is cooking oil, none of which will count as inventory items later. I flip the steak into the skillet, filling the kitchen with the aroma of seared cow. Delicious!";

if slave driver is in boathouse begin;

say "Suddenly, I hear someone coming in at the garden door! Not wanting to be caught unawares in a strange house, I dart up the stairs. I hear someone barging around down there. After a minute or two, there's a satisfied burp, and the door slams again.";

remove slave driver from play;

now dormant driver is in bsh-garden;

now slave driver's mask is in bsh-garden;

accomplish accomp3;

otherwise;

say "Once it's medium-rare, I scarf it down as quickly as I can. Lest the barbecue smell attract bears, or something. Yeah, that's it.";

end if;

remove steak from play;

otherwise;

say "[co]The oven is too cool to cook anything.[/co]";

end if;

the dormant driver is a man. The description of dormant driver is "Sprawled out on the wabe is a huge man in camo pants, snoring noisily. He looks as though he's sleeping off a large, protein-heavy meal." Understand "man" or "huge" or "sleeping" or "slave" as dormant driver. The printed name of dormant driver is "sleeping slave driver".

Instead of cooking crimson fish when the location is bsh-kitchen:

if brick oven is fiery begin;

say "Back in the day, before walkthroughs, safety-lines and authorial conscience, it wasn't uncommon to get stuck in a game for weeks at a time, relying on a diet of red herrings to keep the hunger-daemons at bay. Like most old hands, I've accumulated a good number of recipes for the oily fish, and amnesia always makes me crave nostalgia food.[p]Something simple - I really just want a snack to keep me going! Let's clean it, turn it into fillets, dredge in flour, and pan-fry in butter. Wait, we can't eat all that oily fish without something to soak it up a little - we'll boil up just a handful of very small new potatoes and sear them in the pan first, and that combination is crying out to be served with something light and fresh with a clean mouth-feel, maybe creme fraiche with - well, dill would be the classic choice here, but I'm more in the mood for lemon basil.[p]So that's what I do. Well, that was scrumptious! What now?";

remove crimson fish from play;

now crimson fish is not safe;

otherwise;

say "[co]The oven is too cool to cook anything.[/co]";

end if;

Instead of cooking drumstick when the location is bsh-kitchen:

if brick oven is fiery begin;

say "Now this is a challenge. The turkey is dry and, you suspect, not very flavourful, and I think the objective here is really about using it as a base upon which to build more substantial tastes. Let's say a classic East Asian stir-fry: garlic, ginger, peppers, wok-fry with a neutral-flavoured oil, then build up some liquid - say mirin, soy sauce and a very conservative dash of lime juice - to moisten up the meat. I'll need to cut it moderately fine so that it absorbs through, this isn't a marinade, and thicken very slightly with cornstarch. Red pepper and ramps for garnish, squeeze some more lime juice fresh onto it, and serve on noodles.[p]Gosh, the kitchen smells pretty good now! And it's a total mess. I wonder where all those ingredients came from. Well, time to see how this tastes.[p]Oh dear. I don't feel very well at all. That'll teach me to source my meat from reliable sources! By which I mean, not lying around on the floor in an adventure game.[p][b]*** You have died ***[/b]";

deathify 20;

otherwise;

say "The oven is too cool to cook anything.";

end if;

Instead of cooking tasty food when the location is bsh-kitchen:

if brick oven is fiery begin;

say "Well, this is obviously some kind of home-canned preserve, and it's definitely meat of some kind. I bet whoever made it expected to eat it out of the jar, probably with their fingers or on the point of a dagger. So cooking it is a dicey proposition - it should be strong-flavoured enough to form the central note of a dish, but I want to avoid breaking that flavour down or making it too bland. So let's drain the juice and use that for a gravy, whip up a very small batch of mashed potatoes - no, something with a little more texture, let's say a risotto, and very lightly sear the pickled chunks, just enough to turn that coagulated fat into delicious sauce.";

if slave driver is in boathouse begin;

remove slave driver from play;

now dormant driver is in bsh-garden;

now slave driver's mask is in bsh-garden;

accomplish accomp3;

otherwise;

say "The result is delicious. Not necessarily more delicious than the straight-up pickle, but it has more of the feeling of a solid, warm meal.";

end if;

remove tasty food from play;

otherwise;

say "The oven is too cool to cook anything.";

end if;

At the time when the hunger descends:

if the player is in Kitchen begin;

say "Nova's father walks in carrying a 22-guage[note 21] shotgun. When he sees you he doesn't bother to ask why you are here, he just blows your head right off. Looks like old Spike ain't gonna do no fishing in anyone's pond anymore.[p][b]You Lose!![/b][br]If I were you I would start trying to figure out how to pay off a $500 bet, of which you haven't a single cent[note 111].";

deathify 19;

otherwise if the current game is Sweet Sixteen;

say "You can hear Nova's father eating [the culinary preparation], for he is a very noisy eater[if the player encloses steak][note 155][end if]. After that he finishes, you hear him tell Nova that he is going up to his room for a little while.";

remove culinary preparation from play;

now culinary preparation is not safe;

move Daddy Tilland to Nova's Father's Room;

end if;

Back Yard is north of Kitchen. "You are standing in a yard behind the house. Most of the yard is taken up by a garden full of vegetables. A door leads back into the house to the south. To the east a trail snakes in and out of a dense area of trees."

Daddy Tilland is a man in Back Yard. Daddy Tilland is scenery.

Every turn while the player is in Back Yard and Daddy Tilland is in Back Yard:

say "You walk in on Nova's father, which was a big mistake. He is over six and a half feet tall and has a 22-guage[note 21] shotgun with him. When he sees you he doesn't bother to ask what you are doing here, he just blows your head right off. Looks like old Spike[note 15] ain't gonna do no fishing in anyone's pond[note 110] ever again.";

wait for any key;

say "[p][b]You Lose!![/b][br]If I were you I would start trying to figure out how to pay off a $500 bet, of which you haven't a single cent[note 111].";

carry out the escaping activity with Sweet Sixteen;

deathify 19;

Winding Trail is east of Back Yard. "Your are on a trail that goes around the back of the house. You can't see much because of all the trees around you.[p]To the west is the back yard. The trail bends here and heads southeast."

End of Trail is southeast of Winding Trail. "You are at the end of the winding trail. Against the wall of the house is a small shed which has been left open.[p]The only exit is a trail that goes to the northwest."

the shed is scenery in End of Trail.

Instead of examining shed for the first time:

say "You find an old lantern.";

move old lantern to End of Trail;

Instead of examining shed:

say "You can't.";

an old lantern is a device. old lantern is switched off.

The description of old lantern is "A compact propane lantern. More designed to stay in one place and light a campsite than to be carried around, but it'll serve."

The hisp of old lantern is "linterna vieja". Understand "linterna" or "vieja" as old lantern.

Instead of switching on old lantern:

if the player does not carry lighter and the player does not carry matchbox and the player does not carry a match begin;

say "You must have a lighter to do that.";

otherwise;

say "OK.";

now old lantern is switched on;

now old lantern is lit;

end if;

Stairs4 is up from Stairs3. "You are at the top level of the spiral staircase that allows all up and down movement within the house.[p]To the south is the attic. Stairs lead down from here." The printed name of Stairs4 is "Stairs".

IFDB Spelunking 2 — 16 of 18