Sam Kabo Ashwell

Part 4 - Samhain

samhain is a game in startroom.

The precis of samhain is "[set link 501][bold type]Samhain[roman type][end link] [note 2] by Marc Valhara [note 26] (2000) [line break]

2/5 stars (based on 1 rating)"

The description of samhain is "[b]Samhain[/b][br]by Marc Valhara[br]2000[p]Development System: Inform 6[p][co]No reviews, but it's described as 'Halloween as seen by Quentin Tarantino' in a holiday-related games poll. Oh dear.[/co][p][set link 521][b]Open it up.[/b][end link]"

Instead of opening Samhain:

clear the screen;

[TODO: sort this out with new death system]

if Samhain is played begin;

now the player is in Gym;

otherwise;

say "You feel like such a whore. [p]First they washed you. They rubbed your skin with a soft cloth, made you clean and gleaming. Then they painted you a face, a cute little 'hello, sailor' smirk. After examining your weight, luster and overall beauty, they determined your price.[p]Then they put you out with the others, to wait for passers-by.[p][b]Samhain: A Second-Person Slash [']Em-Up[/b][br]

(or, Pick Up The Jack O['] Lantern And Die)[br]

(Special Edition, Director's Cut, With Commentary and Deleted Scenes) [br]

(Type ABOUT for credits/special commands)[br]

Release 1 / Serial number 001021 / Inform v6.15 Library 6/10[p]";

move the player to Pumpkin Patch;

now punkincount is 0;

end if;

Pumpkin Patch is a room. "It's a crisp autumn day. Around you, leaves of gold and orange hang on the trees; Farmer Brown and his wife draw scary faces on the scarecrows to the south. The road is to the east. Far off toward the northwest, a small, oddly shaped building sits atop a small hill."

the oddly shaped building is scenery in Pumpkin Patch. "It’s an old church, an unpainted, one-room affair, a monument to the hard toils and simple, humble devotion of the pioneer-folk who hand-built it. Recently the Cow-In-A-Box corporation bought it and turned it into a burger stand. Son Of God hangs from the roof, offering salvation and condiments to all.[p]This late in the afternoon, there’s something disquieting about the shadow that the steeple casts." Understand "church" as oddly shaped building.

shadow is part of the oddly shaped building. the description of shadow is "Because of its high vantage, the steeple’s shadow falls across the entire tiny town here, dividing the town in two. It’s symbolism. Geez. The old values of faith and family pitted against the new values of mindless consumerism. The placid, pastoral facade that the town shows outsiders is a lie. Real thought-provoking shit like that.[p]What am I , Arthur Miller?[p]The shadow resembles a pumpkin monster. Woooooo, pumpkin monster!!!!" Understand "steeple" as shadow.

Instead of examining the player when the current game is Samhain and the player is in Pumpkin Patch: say "Big. Orange. Roundish."

trees are scenery in Pumpkin Patch. "Bored now[note 216]." Understand "tree" or "leaves" as trees.

Instead of burning trees: say "[co]Who d'you think taught you to smoke trees? Answer: the Colorado Wildland Fire & Incident Management Academy's controlled burn unit.[/co]";

scarecrows are scenery in Pumpkin Patch. "They're union scarecrows. Best to leave them alone, buddy."

Instead of going nowhere in Pumpkin Patch: say "Being a pumpkin, you lack things like feet, legs, and brains."

punkincount is a number that varies. punkincount is -2.

Every turn when the player is in Pumpkin Patch:

now punkincount is punkincount + 1;

if punkincount is:

-- 1:

say "A customer walks into the patch. He begins examining you and your neighbors.";

now customer is in Pumpkin Patch;

-- 2:

say "The customer eyeballs a fat pumpkin to your left. He thumps it gently, checks its ripeness.";

-- 3:

say "The customer shakes his head, and checks out another pumpkin to your right.";

-- 4:

say "The customer shrugs, scratches his chin, and gazes at you.";

-- 5:

say "The customer bends down and picks you up. Seconds later, his head falls off, and he expires. The farmer screams.";

-- 6:

say "The farmer grabs his wife's arm. 'Dangit, maw, your wicca study group ain't been practicing no hexes on them punkins again, have ya'll[note 159]?'[br][lady 7]The wife blushes. 'Sorry! It were supposed be a high-profits spell, not a deeeee-capitation spell.'";

-- 7:

say "The farmer and wife walk over, prop up the man's corpse, and grab his head.[br]Just before the wife can attempt a reattachment spell, however, a teenage boy ambles into the area.[br]'Kickass jack-o-lantern!' he says, pointing to the customer's head. 'It looks just like a severed head! How much ya'll want for it?'[p]The farmer consults with his wife a moment. 'Eight bucks,' they finally decide.[p]'Sold!' The kid hands the farmer a wad of bills, takes the head and disappears.";

remove customer from play;

-- 8:

say "The wife gazes about a moment, then grabs you and slaps you down onto the corpse's neck.[br]'Pa,' she shouts, 'go get my carving knife, this one gonna need a real face.'[br]She begins chanting.[br]Everything goes all dizzy-like...[br]There is a flash of bright light, and then you realize you are still standing in...[br]";

now wife is not scenery;

now farmer is not scenery;

now trees are in pumpkin2;

now scarecrows are in pumpkin2;

now oddly shaped building is in pumpkin2;

now wife carries mirror;

now wife is in pumpkin2;

now farmer is in pumpkin2;

now farmer is scenery;

now wife is scenery;

now the player is in pumpkin2;

The saferoom of Samhain is pumpkin2.

a customer is a man. The description of customer is "It's okay to kill them cause Americans don't have souls[note 158]."

a farmer is a man in Pumpkin Patch. farmer is scenery. understand "brown" as farmer. The description of farmer is "He planted you."

a wife is a woman in Pumpkin Patch. wife is scenery. The description of wife is "She put a hex on you. Wooooooooooooooo."

mirror is a thing. "You're a perfectly normal, average guy. Really. No one thinks it's weird you have a pumpkin for a head. Well, except for everybody ever."

Instead of examining the player when the current game is Samhain: say "You're a perfectly normal, average guy. Really. No one thinks it's weird you have a pumpkin for a head. Well, except for everybody ever."

Pumpkin2 is a room. "It's a crisp autumn day. Around you, leaves of gold and orange hang on the trees; you can see a cornfield with scarecrows to the south. The road is to the east." The printed name of Pumpkin2 is "Pumpkin Patch".

Instead of going south in Pumpkin2:

say "'I just wanna take a whiz in your cornfield,' you tell the farmer.[p]He snorts. 'Field’s for paying customers only.'"

Instead of attacking the farmer: say "He brought you into this world, and he can take you back out of it."

Instead of attacking the wife: say "She helped bring you into this world, and she can take you back out of it."

pumpkinroad is east of Pumpkin2. The printed name of pumpkinroad is "Road". The description of pumpkinroad is "Oh, to have feet, and to feel the gravel beneath them! Happy day! As a pumpkin/human hybrid, your main fears are failure and empty pie crusts. The pumpkin patch is to the west. The road continues north."

North End Of Road is north of pumpkinroad. "What's the most beautiful part of country living? The trees? The fields? The dead animals in the road, which will remain lying there stinking until they decompose into oblivion? The road continues south. There's a school to the east."

Behind The School is east of North End. "You stand in the parking lot behind the high school, near the huge billboard that proudly proclaims the school's motto. You think to yourself: a small-town public high school, a full moon rising, and me an undead vegetable-brained maniac... ah, gee, hope nothing kooky happens. There's a road to the west, and the school's rather flimsy-looking back door is to the north."

a billboard is fixed in place in Behind The School. The description of billboard is "DO WHAT THOU WILL; THAT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW[note 160]".

The back door is a door. The back door is north of Behind the School and south of Chemistry Lab. The description of back door is "Tax dollars at work my ass." The back door is closed and locked. Rule for writing a paragraph about back door: say "The back door is [if open]open[otherwise]closed[end if]."

Understand "kick [something]" as attacking.

Instead of attacking door:

say "Good for you! You raise your foor and kick the door halfway off its hinges[one of][or][note 206][stopping].";

now back door is open;

now back door is unlocked;

Every turn when the current game is Samhain:

if a random chance of 1 in 60 succeeds begin;

say "[one of][ob]PJ Harvey files a lawsuit against the creator of this game.[cb][or]Touch it again and I'll break your damn arm.[or][ob]PJ Harvey shouts, 'I'm one big queen!'[cb][or][ob]PJ Harvey asks, 'Is this desire?'[cb][or][ob]PJ Harvey screams, 'That snake! Put it! In front! Of me!'[cb][or][ob]PJ Harvey picks up the phone booth and dies.[cb][or][ob]PJ Harvey commands Rovert DeNiro to sit on her face.)[cb][or][ob]PJ Harvey asks, 'Who will love me now?'[cb][at random]";

end if;

Chemistry Lab is a watery room. "The lab is quiet and clean. Quantum mechanics is bullshit, and you have the notes to prove it feverishly scribbled on the back of a Waffle House napkin; but that's not important right now. A dark and shadowy hallway is to the north. There's a door to the south. Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not yours."

a lab table is fixed in place in Chemistry Lab. The description of lab table is "Unlike most tables, this one has four legs."

lab table is a supporter.

a hot dog is a device on lab table. The printed name of hot dog is "a hot dog, attached to a battery". The description of hot dog is "It's mostly beef lips.[p]Leave it alone; this won first place in this year's science fair (Footnote Ten)[note 97]."

Instead of chaining the hot dog when the player carries the chain:

say "[co]You like to chain weiner as much as the next girl, but now isn't really the time[note 200].[/co]"

the hot dog is switched off. Understand "battery" as hot dog.

Instead of switching on hot dog:

say "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.[p]Wow, you haven't felt an electric weenie that good since your Paris summer with Andy Warhol.";

now hot dog is switched on;

Instead of switching off hot dog: continue the action.

Instead of doing something to hot dog: say "Leave it alone; this won first place in this year's science fair (Footnote Ten)[note 97].";

Samhain Hallway is north of Chemistry Lab. "It's not really that shadowy; honestly it's mostly just plain dark in here. The floor is waxed and shiny. Good for the custodian! A chemistry lab is south, and a cafeteria is to the west." The printed name of Samhain Hallway is "Hallway".

a locker is fixed in place in Samhain Hallway. locker is an openable closed container.

a jock strap is in locker. The description of jock strap is "Smells like teen spirit."

a jock strap is wearable and masc. Understand "jockstrap" as jock strap.

The hisp of jock strap is "suspensorio". Understand "suspensorio" as jock strap.

After wearing jock strap: say "You smell so good now.";

Cafeteria is west of Samhain Hallway. "What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. What is public high school food? Nobody fucking knows. A hallway is east. Another hallway is north." Cafeteria is watery.

a food cart is fixed in place in Cafeteria. food cart is pushable between rooms.

The description of food cart is "A large, metalish cart to organise and shelve plates and what-not."

Hallway2 is north of Cafeteria. "They all look pretty much the same. A cafeteria is south. A gym is north. A school theatre is west. A nurse's station is southwest." The printed name of Hallway2 is "Hallway".

Turtle is an animal in Hallway2. "You can see Turtle, the friendly turtle mascot here. Someone has painted mean and hateful slogans on its shell."

The description of Turtle is "yes boss i once was a poet i once was an ars libre or something like that now i am a lowly turtle[p]there is a cat her name is ms yawn-miow she lives in an alley[p]she wants to eat me[p]i don t like her boss she says she is a free spirit i say she is just another stupid kitten"

The printed name of Turtle is "Turtle, the friendly turtle mascot".

Instead of attacking Turtle: say "Yes, yes, tell me about your childhood."

the hateful slogans are part of Turtle. The description of slogans is "Well, unfortunately, that's what Turtle gets for being openly gay in a rabidly right-wing podunk town like this." Understand "shell" as hateful slogans.

Theatre is west of Hallway2. "If little Riley fucks up his lines in 'Death of A Salesman' one more time, the director is gonna bring a shotgun to school, and everyone will pay; yes, yes. The exit is east. Screw you if you don't agree with that."

a stage is fixed in place in Theatre. stage is a supporter. The description of stage is "All the world's a fucking stage."

a prop is on stage. The description of prop is "It's a rubber knife. Woooooooooooooooo."

The hisp of prop is "cuchillo de goma". Understand "cuchillo" or "goma" or "de goma" as prop.

a mostly legible script is on stage. script is burnable. The description of script is "Oh my Goddess! It's the story of a psycho-killer who wanders the halls of a high school, strangling the cheerleaders and shit! Is this foreshadowing? Postshadowing? Charcoal shading? Cubis[p]Oh, forget it.[p]Do-over![p]Oh, my Goodness. It's the story of a teenage girl, coming of age in a sleepy Southern town at the turn of the civil rights movement. She befriends an aging, alcoholic ex-prostitute, and together the women embark upon a journey of self-discovery. Until some psycho killer picks their asses off."

The hisp of script is "guión sobre todo legible". Understand "guion" or "legible" or "todo legible" as script.

Gym is north of Hallway2. "Imagine the gymnasium at wherever you went to high school at. That's exactly what this place looks like. A hallway is south. The girls['] shower room is northeast. If there were a boys['] shower room it'd be northwest, but there isn't, cause nobody wants to see that. The AV Club room is west.[p](Okay, *I* don't want to see that.)"

the bleachers is fixed in place in Gym. bleachers is a supporter.

a megaphone is on bleachers. megaphone is masc.

Instead of taking megaphone:

say "Not taken.[p]Gimme a D! Gimme a U! Gimme a M! What's that spell? This game!";

The hisp of megaphone is "megáfono". Understand "megafono" as megaphone.

Shower Room is northeast of Gym. "Steamy. Wet. WOOOOOHAH! (The unfortunateness of exits takes actuality in a southwesterness.)" Shower Room is watery.

the naked cheerleader is a woman in Shower Room. "You can see a buxom blonde cheerleader here, all naked and soapy and humming to herself and blithely oblivious to your presence. Her neck is all soft and exposed. She has the words DESIGNATED VICTIM tattooed on her butt (Footnote One)[note 98].". Understand "buxom", "blonde", "jewel" or "girl" as naked cheerleader.

Before looking in Shower Room:

bandname 3;

Instead of swearing obscenely when the current game is Samhain: say "Real psycho killers do not use such language. They are entertaining and witty and suave at all times."

Instead of fucking something when the current game is Samhain: try swearing obscenely.

Instead of eating the naked cheerleader:

say "(first taking the naked cheerleader)[br]I don't suppose the naked cheerleader will care for that[note 161].";

The description of cheerleader is "It's Jewel[popstar 1]. Stop playing foolish games already."

Instead of attacking the cheerleader:

say "You sneak up behind the cheerleader.[br]You then grab one of the shower nozzles, rip it from its mountings, and brandish it like a tiny club.[br]She turns round, sees you, and screams.[br]You bonk her gently on the head. While she is dazed, you grab her, pick her up, and tickle-tickle-tickle her so hard that she lets free a loud fart.[br]She immediately expires from, like, major embarrassment.[br](You hear singing in the distance. Sounds like its coming from the theater.)";

accomplish accomp1;

remove cheerleader from play;

move cheerleader2 to theatre;

Instead of giving towel to the cheerleader:

say "'Here,' you offer, wrapping the cheerleader in the towel in a display of warm yet chaste generosity. 'After you've toweled off, applied some baby powder, maybe changed into a nice sundress, I thought we'd walk hand-in-hand down to the lake to feed the ducks, laughing gaily in the sunshine. Then we can spend the afternoon picking out bridesmaid dresses - I was thinking spring, so I'm tending towards a pale lilac, but this is something we really need to decide together.'[p]'Jesus fucking Christ,' she howls, 'boundary issues much? Get out of the changing room before I call the police.'[p]'Welp, I tried,' you sigh, and kill her anyway.";

accomplish accomp1;

remove cheerleader from play;

move cheerleader2 to theatre;

cheerleader2 is a woman. "You can see a cheerleader hanging out here, practicing for next week's talent show. Sounds like... 'Mack The Knife.' Mouth wide open, eyes closed, the cheerleader fails to notice that you have entered the room." The printed name of cheerleader2 is "cheerleader". Understand "nick", "cave" or "girl" as cheerleader2.

The description of cheerleader2 is "It's actually Nick Cave[popstar 2]. In a dress. Now that is fucking scary. Kill it! Kill it! (Footnote Three)[note 100]"

Instead of attacking cheerleader2:

say "You saunter up to the singing cheerleader. [br]'Hey!' you scream. 'Look at me!'[br]The cheerleader looks, and is frozen with fear.[br]Dashing up onto the stage, you croon 'Memories' from *Cats.* Your soprano voice lilts like clouds of spun helium-gold.[br]The cheerleader immediately dies of intense jealousy.[br](You hear puking in the distance. Sounds like its coming from the caff.)";

remove cheerleader2 from play;

now cheerleader3 is in cafeteria;

cheerleader3 is a woman. "There is absolutely nothing funny about eating disorders. Nothing at all. The fact that while thousands of third-world kids starve to death, this cheerleader here sticks her finger down her throat in fear of gaining half a pound, this in no way strikes you as being a situation worthy of ridicule."

The printed name of cheerleader3 is "cheerleader". The description of cheerleader3 is "It actually is a puking cheerleader. Go figure."

Instead of giving tasty food to cheerleader3:

say "'Jesus, woman, eat a fucking sandwich,' you yell at the vomiting cheerleader. 'Real women have curves, so put some meat on those bones. I can't abide skinny chicks. I'm not really sure what's in this thing but it's got to have, like, a thousand calories. Chow down, neckbones.'[p]Heartened by this touching affirmation of body-positive outlook, the cheerleader gets her convulsive sobs under control and consumes a moderate and healthy portion of the tasty food, resolving to focus on staying happy and healthy in future. She promptly expires from foodborne botulism.[p](You hear giggling in the distance. Sounds like its coming from near the lockers.)";

remove tasty food from play;

now tasty food is not safe;

remove cheerleader3 from play;

now cheerleader4 is in Samhain Hallway;

Instead of kissing a woman when the current game is Samhain: say "Nothing practical results from your putting the mack-daddy on."

Instead of attacking cheerleader3:

say "You booga-booga-booga at the vomiting cheerleader.[br]She looks at you and tries to scream, but her hand is still elbow-deep in her mouth.[br]'Oh my God,' you shout at her, 'your thighs are freaking huge! Like elephants or something!'[br]She begins crying, and curls into a small, vomit-streaked ball.[br]Eventually, after getting addicted to heroin and crack in an attempt to eat even less, she is forced by her family to enter a body-image acceptance facility (read: nut house). Slowly, over several months, she learns to love herself for who she is-- and screw those impossibly-thin supermodels parading through the fashion magazines, who perpetuate an unhealthy stereotype. The cheerleader emerges a confident, mature, balanced young woman. Her parents take her to Chez Ooo-La-La to celebrate.[br]Whereupon she eats some bad brie, and immediately succumbs to food poisoning[note 215].[br](You hear giggling in the distance. Sounds like its coming from near the lockers.)";

remove cheerleader3 from play;

now cheerleader4 is in Samhain Hallway;

cheerleader4 is a woman. "You can see a cheerleader hanging out here, toking on a bowl of herbal refreshment." The description of cheerleader4 is "It's actually Tori Amos[popstar 3]. If she'd been a cornflake girl, this is not really, this is not really, this is not really happening." Understand "tori" or "amos" as cheerleader4. The printed name of cheerleader4 is "cheerleader".

Instead of attacking cheerleader4:

say "You grab the doobage away from the stoned cheerleader.[br]She looks at you and tries to scream, but she's too uh-huh, you know, I mean, goddamn, this is some gooooooooooooood shit![br]'Yo!' you scream. 'Why don't you inhale on YOUR OWN FUCKING DEATH!' you say, trying to establish a memorable catchphrase.[br]The cheerleader giggles so hard she pisses herself. 'You're a freak, boy,' she says. 'Wanna do the nasty?'[br]'No,' you say. 'I'm saving myself for marriage. You see, casual sex may not seem like a big deal. You may think, Hey, everyone else does it. You may think, But it's a natural thing. You may decide, But that obese and smelly man with the videocamera is offering me thirty-two bucks and a ride in his El Camino. Well, the truth is-'[p]The cheerleader gets bored and wanders off.[br](You hear moaning and wailing in the distance. Sounds like its coming from the gym.)";

remove cheerleader4 from play;

now cheerleader5 is in Gym;

cheerleader5 is a female person. "An adorable, brunette waif of a cheerleader is here, making odd moaning and wailing noises for no apparent reason[lady 6]." The description of cheerleader5 is "It's actually Bjork[popstar 4]. (Footnote forty[note 101])". The printed name of cheerleader5 is "cheerleader". Understand "bjork" or "waif" as cheerleader5.

To decide whether Bjork has struck:

let Z be 0;

choose row with a count of 16 in the Table of Deaths;

if the achieved entry is true, now Z is Z + 1;

choose a row with a count of 17 in the Table of Deaths;

if the achieved entry is true, now Z is Z + 1;

choose a row with a count of 18 in the Table of Deaths;

if the achieved entry is true, now Z is Z + 1;

if Z is 3, yes;

no.

Instead of attacking cheerleader5:

say "You attempt to attack the waif.[br]Idiot! Haven't you examined *any* of these cheerleaders you're trying to kill off? You can't murder BJORK! (Footnote Fifty[note 102]) She gives you a spinning roundhouse kick![p]Bjork goes bjerk! She lets loose with a high-pitched Icelandic wail, sending shivers up and down your spine till your head (and all the glass in the immediate area) explodes!";

wait for any key;

deathify 16;

if Bjork has struck begin;

carry out the concluding activity with Samhain;

otherwise;

carry out the escaping activity with Samhain;

end if;

Instead of kissing cheerleader5:

say "You kissy-kissy on her face.[p]'Mmmm,' she says. 'I'm soooooo tense. Why don't we go to the shower room? You can give me a massage. I want to be NEKKID and STEAMY STEAMY HOT. I am ever-so ever-so delicious. Gee, but what if my friend is in there?' She giggles. 'Well, I guess she can join in-'[p]'Wait, wait, wait,' you say. 'This is starting to sound like a porno.'[p]Bjork is confused. 'This is a porno. Why do you think all these cheerleaders are all over the place? Hello, script-impaired much?'[p]'Oh. Gee.' You shrug. 'Damn,' you say, 'is my face ever red. Sorry [']bout all the murder. I assumed that was what I was supposed to do.'[p]'Actually,' Bjork says, 'your face is orange.'[p]'Oh, stop nitpicking, silly-head,' you say, and kill her anyway. But by then, the porn-flick's director has called the cops, who haul your ass off to the electric chair.[p]Mmmmmm, pumpkin pie.";

wait for any key;

deathify 17;

if Bjork has struck begin;

carry out the concluding activity with Samhain;

otherwise;

carry out the escaping activity with Samhain;

end if;

Understand "bite [something]" as tasting.

Instead of tasting cheerleader5:

say "You attempt to bite the waif.[p]'Hey!' Bjork shouts. She gives you a hard swat. 'Stop that! Somebody help me!'[p]Ozzy Osborne[popstar 5] dashes into the room, and grabs you. 'I am so incredibly and unbelieveably fucking drunk,' he announces, and bites your head off.";

wait for any key;

deathify 18;

if Bjork has struck begin;

carry out the concluding activity with Samhain;

otherwise;

carry out the escaping activity with Samhain;

end if;

Instead of eating cheerleader5: try tasting cheerleader5.

shower nozzles are fixed in place in Shower Room. shower nozzles are a device. shower nozzles are switched on. The description of shower nozzles is "Silver and deadly. Like spam. If spam were silver."

Shower Room For Boys is northwest of Gym. "Fine. Whatever[bathe 2]. But there's nothing in here." Shower Room For Boys is watery.

AV Club is west of Gym. "Someday, after about a billion bake sales and car washes, maybe they'll earn enough cash to buy some goddamn projectors and videocameras and cool shit like that. Right now the only equipment the club possesses seems to be a videotape of Jeri Ryan nekkid[note 130]. Ain't nothing wrong with that. The gym is to the south. Shit! I mean, to the, um, east."

the television is fixed in place in AV Club. The description of television is "It's some film the AV Club made, a low-budget pseudo-documentary about some kids running around in the woods, chased by a legendary witch-- bad camera work, no script, it's obviously brilliant. Eventually, the movie degrades into scenes of the one guy left alive repeatedly asking the one girl left alive, 'You wanna do it? We probably won't ever get outta these woods, ya know. I brought rubbers. Can I at least cop a feel, sweetie?' It is indeed quite clearly 'the most brilliant, powerful, innovative and terrifying film franchise since those godawful *Police Academy* movies.' -- Roger Sneebert".

Instead of switching on television, say "That's not something you can switch[note 162]." Understand "tv" as television.

Nurse Station is southwest of Hallway2. "Band-Aids. Cotton swabs. Rubbing alcohol. A nice comfy cot. Thanks to budget cuts, there are none of those things here. You get injured, it's pretty much up to you to tear your football jersey into torinquets. The exit is northeast."

Britney Spears is a woman in Nurse Station. "You can see Britney Spears here[popstar 6]. She has a boo-boo." The description of Britney Spears is "It's teen singing sensation Britney Spears. *End holodeck program, computer. Computer? Hello? Locate Piccard. Hello?*"

boo-boo is an unimplement in Nurse Station. Understand "boo boo" or "boo" as boo-boo.

Instead of asking Britney about something: try kissing Britney.

Instead of telling Britney about something: try kissing Britney.

Instead of answering Britney that some text: try kissing Britney.

Instead of kissing Britney: say "'You're special!' Britney says, and chews on her tail."

Instead of attacking Britney: say "Nooooo! What the hell is wrong with you?![p]Britney is afraid and sad and begins to sniffle.[p]Poor Britney![p]Love on the Britney! Noogie on her head! She was good today. She ate all her peas and when she colored she stayed inside the lines. Yay! Good Britney![p]Britney claps her hands and giggles. :)[p]'We're all special cause God don't make junk!' Britney says, and blows you a kiss.";

Instead of giving medicine to Britney:

say "Britney is all better! Yay! We shall not pass comment upon the merits of her entertainment work here, as (the basic health and well-being of all humans being equally valuable [i]prima facie[/i] and aesthetic quality having no direct correspondence to ethical value) it is an issue of no particular pertinence![p]Britney skips outside to play in the sunshine and daisies!";

remove the noun from play;

remove Britney from play;

now the noun is not safe;

accomplish accomp9;

Instead of giving Phial to Britney:

remove the noun from play;

remove Britney from play;

now the noun is not safe;

accomplish accomp9;

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